May 10
10
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
– just to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than
just a social thinker
I began to think alone — "to relax," I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix,but I couldn’t help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts
me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t
stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I’ve been thinking…"
"I know you’ve been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
But Honey, surely it’s not that serious." "It is serious," she
said, lower lip a quiver.
"You think as much as college professors and college professors don’t make
any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!"
"That’s a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I’m going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn’t open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky’s." Then we share experiences about
how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to
recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step…I joined the Democratic Party
Do you think that will help…
