I have a thinking problem. Is there any help for me?
May 10th, 2010 | 
Author: 
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then
– just to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than
just a social thinker
I began to think alone — "to relax," I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix,but I couldn’t help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir,
Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,
asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts
me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t
stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation
with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I’ve been thinking…"
"I know you’ve been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
But Honey, surely it’s not that serious." "It is serious," she
said, lower lip a quiver.
"You think as much as college professors and college professors don’t make
any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!"
"That’s a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I’m going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn’t open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that
night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers
Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational
video; last week it was "Porky’s." Then we share experiences about
how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just
seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to
recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step…I joined the Democratic Party
Do you think that will help…
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If you really want to stop thinking there is a solution. It won’t be easy, will involve a lot of sacrifice and suffering on your part and may alienate you from all your friends (especially those that are thinkers themself).
You have to really really want to give up thinking as it will take lots of will power – and it is not guaranteed to work – but millions of Americans resist the desire to think every day using this method. The best part is – it is free.
It is called listening to drive time talk radio.
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if your thinking got you anywhere at all, you would realize both parties are corrupt.
unfortunately, some people can think and read all day and it never gets them anywhere because their intellectual capacity only goes so far.
Congratulations on your long drawn out story for something so frivilous.
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Do you think that will help…
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I don’t think you understand politics!
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Nothing is so bad that it makes one join the DNC… seek help..
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You have to understand thinking is bad for you, every time you think people smell something burning, its your fried brain. Stop thinking before you burn up what you have left. Poor Schmuck!!!
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That last step will certainly cure your thinking problem. Thinking is not allowed in the Democratic party. Soros does the thinking you just toe the line.
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In your position, I think you made a good move. You have chosen a fine group that will no doubt keep you from traveling down that road that leads to thinking. You can find inspiration in the likes of, Harry Reed, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein and the mother of all non-thinkers, Cindy Sheehan. Such inspiration can only be found in the Democratic party, and oh what a party you will have!
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